LOVE HOPE FREEDOM
(Adult Sexual Exploitation Partnership) supports women who have been groomed by individuals or groups of men for sexual exploitation and consequently experience multiple challenges including mental ill health, substance misuse and breakdown of support networks to address the abuse, harm and exploitation experienced.
The ASE Partnership is led by Changing Lives, includes eight other organisations across the North and undertakes research into survivor experiences to influence policy and practice as well as providing targeted support.
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Evidence shows that for many boys anger is the only acceptable emotion which is often used to cover a more powerful emotion such as sadness or shame. Being encouraged to suppress all other emotions can interrupt the emotional development of boys which can have a huge negative impact on their mental health. In general men report less depression than women but complete suicide at a much higher rate. There is a huge need for boys to be taught how to safely express all their emotions not only their anger.
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Through working in partnership with Dr Helen Williams of Sunderland University, a report has been pulled together to highlight the need for this work. This provides the evidence needed to strengthen our plans for a boy’s pilot to address this need.
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Please click the link to read the report:
PROFESSIONAL FEEDBACK
"Brothers who were extremely chaotic, are now settled and calm in the sessions"
It started from when I was young and still at school.
My first memory was when I tried to wake my mam up on the couch when she was spaced out. Shortly followed by memories of coming downstairs one Christmas morning to find several men in all states of undress sprawled out in the front room and all off their heads. I knew I had had some Christmas presents as I could see all the wrapping paper over the floor, these had been ripped open and obviously sold for drugs. My sister and I used to play with syringes, practicing injecting our arms as we were so used to seeing it around us.
Mam was never around for us, I found comfort going to talk to the men who used to stand outside. They would tell jokes and often would say they would look after me. They started to supply me with cigarettes, drink and take me to different houses. I didn’t like the houses as they were dark and cold and smelly. They kept telling me they would look after me. I did not dare tell mam and dad about the men.
Over the next few months more and more men appeared all mainly Kurds and Pakistani’s. They were giving me lots of drugs for free or I thought they were free. I often would come to not knowing what had happened to me or where I was. I think I knew that this was the point of no return. There were expectations put on me as the men now said that I owed them for the drugs. I now know I had been groomed. One day I am going to write a book about my life, about being groomed and being sexually exploited.
THROUGH THE EYES OF A CLIENT
I was shipped around the country like a parcel, waking up in strange places and feeling lonely and worthless. I was frightened and confused. Men were taking turns to sexually abuse me, rape me, and physically assault me, stubbing cigarettes out on me, burning me with a lighter and whipping me. They demanded me to perform obscene and vile sex acts on them. I felt disgusted, dirty and sometimes would throw up.
I often would be taken away, locked up in rooms and garages for days on end and not once did my mam and dad report me as missing to the police, I was still at school when it all started. I am sure they knew I was being sexually exploited but chose to ignore it, I thought they were supposed to love and care for me.
This existence carried on for many years by the Kurdish men and gangs. I remember being put with a group of women of similar age and we were all abused by the same group of Kurdish men. As we got older, we were moved up to a different group of men. I can vividly remember being locked in a small room with no windows for 3 days with one of the other women. I was pinned down by the Kurdish men, one of which held my head and forced me to watch the other girl being repeatedly raped and abused. The woman was then thrown to the men and pinned down and was forced to watch me being repeatedly raped and abused. I remember being physically sick and feeling so dirty and humiliated. I started to question whether I wanted to be alive anymore as I hated being treat like an animal. I tried to break away from the men, but they kept finding me. I would be drugged so much that I could hardly focus never mind run away.
They used to mess with my emotions – I can see this now looking back because after most of the abuse/rapes they would be nice to me buying me things and I started to think, this must just be normal. My mental health was affected and I tried to kill myself one of which I streamed live on Facebook.
This was now my life; I developed a relationship with one of my abusers, fell pregnant and had my baby.
Even when I was pregnant the exploitation continued but not as much. I swore to myself that they would not touch my child, I would kill them first. They would never suffer the trauma like I have. My drug use was increasing and I was a real mess. After one physical attack on me I rang the police and got him prosecuted. I fell pregnant again and had my 2nd child but was in no fit state to look after the children and they were taken from me. I also lost my home as well as my kids as was once again at the mercy of the Kurdish gangs who would provide me a bed in return for sex acts on them. My family did not support me and left me in the hands of the exploiters. I could see no end to this trauma. I knew my mental health got worse and drug use increased as I needed to block out ‘life’ to survive.
Last chance saloon, my social worker got me moved out of area and I promised myself that I would give it a go. I started engaging with professional. I began to ‘thaw’, feelings started to come back and I started to see a splinter of life. I decided to follow this in the hope of finding a ‘normal life’ and some happiness.
Things have progressed, although one of my children is now being put up for adoption despite me trying my best to keep them. I am now in another relationship with someone who just wants to care for me. I had decided not to tell him about my past, however, when he kept asking how I had got all the scars on my body I decided to tell him only a little bit of my past. I explained that I got the scars after being punished by them stubbing their fags out on me, burning me with the lighters and whipping me with belts. He was both angry and upset and I felt humiliated and degraded telling him and he kept telling me that it was not my fault what happened to me.
I have suffered a lifetime of abuse, trauma and exploitation that it became a norm and I began telling myself it was ok and I was used to it. I now know it was not ok and I can see that splinter of light and I am trying to start a new life and see this as the first chapter in a new book.
I am lucky, I can tell my story, many women sadly have not been as lucky.
Updated August 2024